Craft Productions, Limited, the parent corporation of Craft Broadcasting International, announced today that it has purchased long-time broadcast partner WCDE, 90.4 FM in Columbus, Ohio. At a press conference at the station, Craft President and CEO Doug Dangler issued the following statement:
WCDE has been a fine partner for several years with us and lately the time seemed particularly appropriate to purchase the station and all its properties: 3 microphones and a specially bent coat hanger that serves as the station antenna. Fortunately, I had the liquid assets remaining after an acquisition at Rally’s to allow for the leveraged buyout of all WCDE holdings.
Station manager Van Maraschino attended the press conference in the state of some excitement. “It’s a really great opportunity to begin broadcasting Star Trek- and Star Wars-related shows on an almost continual basis,” Said Maraschino. “I’m especially looking forward to our planned 9-hour documentary on Deep Space Nine.”
Dangler claimed that “thousands and thousands of Craft listeners demanded more content about writers and the creative process.” He went on to say, “Honestly, with so many people nowadays abandoning traditional pop, rap and country music stations for arts-based talk radio, it’s clearly a time when public radio stations can finally become a significant force for the arts.”
This announcement follows on the heels of controversy with the station’s morning “Van the Man Shock Jock Radio Hour,” mostly focused on last week’s controversial “Tote Bags Versus T-shirts” show in which Maraschino made several disparaging remarks about the low construction quality of PBS tote bags as compared to NPR t-shirts. The show garnered controversy and considerable ratings increase with stunts like loading PBS tote bags to breaking with cat toys and Jane Austen novels. Maraschino acknowledged the issues, “I know our investigation into PBS tote bags drew the ire of listeners. However, I have plenty of places to store ire so they can just keep it coming.”
Dangler outlined upcoming publicity campaigns such as “Dime a Dog” night, in which listeners will receive one free dog if they can remain awake during a complete hour of “Hearts of Place” radio, a show dedicated to songs with names like “Here There Be Silence” and “Everyone Be Quiet Now: I Think the Recording Equipment is Giving Feedback.” Also, Bobblehead Day is planned and will feature Limited Edition Van Maraschino bobbleheads for all listeners who donate more than $5 or an equivalently valued used car to the radio station.
Dangler also discussed plans for the Midwestern Regional Great Public Radio Voices Wax Museum. “I got the idea after I made an excellent bulk purchase of candles at Big Lots,” said Dangler. “We’ve already requested plans for a vanilla-scented of Harry Mose, host of Fresh Hair.” Dangler acknowledged potential problems: “At least one public radio enthusiast has deemed Tie Rise-All, host of MarketFace, as ‘too hot’ to stay in solid form as a candle wax sculpture.”
Please use the comment space below to give suggestions about other public radio changes you’d like to see, and Happy April 1.